3 things that come in divorce is Adultery, Abuse, and Alcoholism. Things before the 70s that caused divorce. Less divorces are happening because people aren't married, cohabitation is occurring.
Stages of Divorce: 1. emotional 2. legal 3. economic 4. coparental 5. community Custody: Physical: Live mother/ father every other weekend, one week night. Legal: joint 50/50 remarriage: Causes problems with parents and how you are going to raise the kids. Maybe you feel that different kids deserve different things. There's always baggage involved. Family dynamics change, when divorce occurs or a parent dies. Protectiveness over the children causes more problems because different disciplines from different parents come. Different parenting because of living with the grandparents. They have a different way of raising them. Last blog for the semester: Thanks for reading. It was fun to write to all of you.
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Parenting is something that can not be taught in a book or taught in words by someone. There is active parenting, which is authoritative, permissive, and Authoritarian. An active parent has respect and courage, they give responsibility to their children.
Authoritarians are discipline versus punishment/ reward. Also can be choice versus consequences = response and ability. Some people become failure to thrive. They are people that don't develop. In ways that children need to develop is through Contact and belonging , power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. These are all items that need to be attended. With out all these items not being touched upon allows mistakes taken by the children. They go through a mistaken approach instead of having a parental approach. Parents need to model these items to be able to see affect when wanting children to have theses items. Such as being assertive and being forgiving. These can not be learned with out an example to be able to look at to be able to learn. When it comes to speaking to children about asking them to do things. From Popkins perspective you need to ask with a polite request. If this doesn't work you roll into a When you... I feel... Because... I would like... Statements. The last one is a firm statement, explaining what and why. When decided new responsibility like teens buying a car. Yes it is their car but to sit and talk about how if you speed than we will have to take the keys away for a bit or if you stay out later than you should we will need to take the keys away. These little things will build a good relationship and responsibility on these items. Yes it is theirs but they still understand that they need to follow rules. These things will help you in hard times of raising children but there is so much not to be told that you have to be able to learn as you go. Communication is key. Fatherhood, is something that you can't quite explain. The relationship a father has with his children is an influence that no one else can copy. He teaches them all the skills that they must know. He keeps them out of trouble. Provides them with everything they need food, water and shelter. Teaches them importance of things like hard work and budgets.
Communication must be involved when it comes to budgets, usually when a marriage isn't working out people blame money. It's not the money it's the marriage, something else is failing. Some families feel as though it is a good idea to having two incomes. This can be true but it can also be true that is doesn't have a benefit. It causes you to not eat health, spend money on daycare, and more on travel expenses. Everything in a marriage is about communication if you don't have communication you don't have anything. Men and Women don't communicate the same. Communication comes from non-verbal, words, and tone. The different ways that we communicate can cause problems it doesn't always say the same thing that you mean. An example is like when your wife asks do you want a drink, when she is the one that wants a drink. Why don't we just come out and say can we stop and get a drink? We decided that the inconvenience that it may cause makes us not want to ask for a drink. Just as going to dinner and not saying where you want to eat, you don't want to be selfish or inconvenience the other person.
No words have to be spoken when having a conversation. Eyebrows moving or nose pointed up or down, not talking at all can signal that that person is mad or sad. Decision making, can cause some conflicts. It can allow you to grow together and apart. Hopefully this will help grow together, allowing you to communicate the different perspectives of the decision to make sure that the right decision is made. In the family dynamic you should allow the children's perspective in the decision because without them thinking they are apart of it even if they don't get their way they still feel involved. Which allows the family to grow together in the hard times of the different perspectives. The other person wants the best interest for you. The different influences that are affected through others like the influence of media. The idea of the different ways to communicate are through power. which is the cause of manipulation coercive- to avoid punishment by spouse. some punishments can be the basic withholding love from the other. reward- to obtain rewards from spouse. The respect that you have for your spouse and their knowledge or their trust. legitimate- spouses has the right to ask. expert- spouse special knowledge. Make sure that you don't treat your spouse as an unequal but equalize yourself to one another. When the beginning of a couple that is married, they have different perspectives. They are influenced by their parents and how things are done. When the two are combined, communication must take place and decisions need to be made together to decide things that you have different perspectives of. Why do bad things happen to good people and families?
Some of my ideas are because the people that are getting tested and have trials is because they are strong and they are meant to have hard times to show the love and devotion for Heavenly Father. If it was easy you wouldn't need faith, But you are given trials to be able to show the faith that you do have and the abilities you have to be able to move forth in your life into the next step to be able to return to Heavenly Father. In families trials can either bring people together or tear them apart. Those that stay together make decision together in the hard time. They rely on one another's comfort, and care. With trials comes agency, we have the opportunity to be able to choose what we do when the trial comes along. We have the opportunity to choose to do something but we do not have the opportunity to choose our consequences. We know what is coming for us if we don't choose what is right. With this we pray and we ask for help to know what is best for us and the people around us. All of our actions affect others. We are not meant to be here alone we are to be combined. Connected or you could say sealed to one another, hooked together with the covenants that we make with one another and God. In agency we are given the opportunity to learn humility and understanding. When crisis occur families are meant to be able to understand situations and know that it isn't all about them. That crisis are dangerous opportunities. Stress, who believes that stress is a benefit for them? Who believes that it isn't? Stress is actually really good for you. It's the way you think about stress that causes you to think it is bad. Stress or what you think causes stress like a wedding. Planning a wedding causes a lot of stress between the new couple and the parents that are paying for it. They believe that the wedding needs to be perfect when it is fine when it is simple with all the people you love are there with you. This can cause a huge stress but it just depends on do you look at it as being stressful or an opportunity for a place to be able to start your new life with someone and share that experience with your family. Comparing the similarities in Marriage and a record. How it's the same, being there for kids games instead of just hearing about them, It's hard to hide things with the person that you are with 24/7. We are all different bringing in the different sides of us and making a family into that is hard but Possible. Specially when you put 100% each into the marriage. Cleave unto each other, which is like not having a difference in each other there is one of you.
Fidelity to the covenant. In a temple marriage you are sealed to that person for eternity but you make covenant with God to work together and bring children into the world. The covenant can be broken between the man and the wife and still be connected to God and still have that promise to live with him again. With a man and a women that are married you shouldn't share anything really outside of the marriage. It causes a wedge between the Husband and Wife. Also causing a bond between whoever they are confiding with which causes a drift into infidelity. The different types of infidelity are fantasy, vision, technology, romantic, and physical. Most people think that infidelity is sexual but it is not always sexual it begins innocent and not sexual but gets there after so much time is spent together. What are your ideas on this and what are your ideas for parent guides? When do you start teaching your kids about sex. What are the boundaries that you set with them. Dating is meant to learn more about each other. Courtship is exclusively dating with an eye towards marriage. Engagement is a contract between two people. A contract is an agreement. We make covenants in the temple, between God and us. We put in a 100% each not together. If we aren't fully trying than we will not last. Marriage, this comes with the questions where, when, how much? Is it about the sealing or the reception?
Does the ring cost matter? It's not what the ring looks like but what it symbolizes. What are some first month decisions that have to be made? - Marital intimacy - decorations - sharing a bed - finances - food & Drink - priorities - temperature in household - chores - schedule. To combined to people's lives together is hard.Something that causes a really big problem is the temperature in the home. Causes arguments in if it should be cold or hot in the house when sleeping. The best thing to do with this and really anything is just talk through it. Explain it in a way that they can understand where you are coming from. Be able to compromise with each other. 1st year -traditions -holidays - medical issues - extended family What traditions are going to be important to you? What traditions are you going to take from your families and callid the two of yours together. Holidays are you spending it with his or her parents. Who gets to put up the christmas tree both or one or the other. Medical issues can you handle taking care of your spouse if they get really hurt. Extended family, are you going to spend a lot of time with family members. Dinner, holidays, what plans do you have? The first child came into this life. Marital intimacy and the couple's relationship suffers because it's about the child now instead of the man. Make sure to keep the man in the experience of having the baby. Share the first kick with him. Make it just him and you in the doctors office so it's a bond between you and him and not the mother and daughter. Explain to him what he is doing and why? Don't make him just feel like another pair of hands. Explain to him it's a bonding time for you and the kid. The idea of dating has changed so drastically over the past decade. People are getting married a lot later or not married at all. A lot of people are cohabiting these days. There reasons for this are because they don't want to commit to one single person. They don't want to share their stuff. They also want an easy out, they don't want to have to go through a long divorce.
Research has been done about this thing called the know- Quo. It consists of time, talk, and togetherness. These are the three things that will help you decide if you are marrying the right person. Enough time consists of more than 3 months to really know someone. Talk, you need to have mutual self disclosure. Not just one person talking but a back and forth mutual telling about experiences and past times. The last thing is togetherness, this is where you share a variety of activities together, Knowing how someone will react in several different environments is a very key thing to know. What is love? Love is something that you can't necessarily explain. Love consists of 4 different categories storage,pilla,eros,and agape. These are parent to child relationships, friends, romantic, and charity. Aren't these things something you would love to find in your marriage? All of these things make up love. The idea of getting butterflies, and you can't breath because your heart is raising are all myths. You can get this same reaction by going through a haunted house. They have done several studies that show this, if you look on youtube for it there are a couple there that talk about this. The last thing i want to talk about it provide, protect, and preside which connect to paid for, paired and planned. these are things that should already be done before you go on a date and then also these are responsibilities of the guy. The responsibility of the girl is to nurture for children for him for anything. Expression of feelings, and bringing out the best in someone is normally what happens. One last thing I want you to remember is that commiting to someone will always make you happier. It allows you to be in a team against the rest of the world. You wouldn't want to do it alone. Think about this... If same sex couples happen. Two men or women will be left alone in this world without a husband/ wife. They will never be mothers or father to their own children....
All of our actions affect others. Gender roles: There are 12 different kind of gender roles/ gender couples that you can have. We talked about how you aren't born Gay/ lesbian. There are several scenarios that allow you to think that possibly you were born that way but most of the time you just see the little steps that are taken that make you think that you have been gay your whole life. Same sex marriage pertains to both men and women but more research has been done on males so we will focus on them. The biggest occurrence that happens that makes boys think they are gay, is right after a sexual experience mostly mulastings of the young boy. They believe sense their body reacted to the sexual situations that they must be gay. a Young boys also seem to think they are gay because they get treated negatively as a young boy. Other boys think they are weird and gay for liking barbies or other girl toys. Sometimes it can be encouraged by adults. Because the little boys don't have those bonding relationships with younger boys when they are young when they start to receive There are lots of different kinds of culture. There can be the family culture, ancestor culture, religion culture, and ethnicity culture. The large variety of cultures makes up who we are and who we become. We have discussed in class about how to keep family culture, and how to break it. We have come up with the obvious facts of pray about it and see what Heavenly Father says.
We talked about how when we get married that two cultures colliding is very hard. You change your food, the way you sleep, your independence, and etc. Your culture changes when this happens. You have to discuss these and compromise otherwise someone's culture will be completely lost. Other cultures are kind of hereditary. Such as those families that were beat, they don't want to do that to their kids yet it still happens for some odd reason. There is also that other side that completely changes and never beats their children and have overwhelming love for them. We also discussed that more than two people can't be best friends. One friend will always be moving away from the other two. This is true and if you don't think it's true you're either lying to yourself or you weren't that close to those friends anyway. Cultures can be very similar but also very different. We change as we make relationships and when friendships break. Our cultures are always changing but we will always have a part of the one we grew up with. Whether we want to keep it or not is our decision and will be our effort to keep it or get rid of it. |
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